This American

I'm a fanatic when it comes to this musician- I love his music, I love his lyrics - but most of all I love the way that he acts - that's really a lost art in this age. He's a respectable person in real life.

I have had a few experiences where I've meet the artist and found out that they are just jerks that make great music. It's nice to see someone out there that's.....well........normal.

It's inspiring.

If you don't know yet, I'm talking about Joe Purdy.

He doesn't have a record label, but he's accomplished. He has now released 12 records since 2001.

That's even more inspiring.

I'm writing you this to let you know that Mr. Purdy has decided to release a new album (just 5 months since his last) and for the month of December - it's FREE on his website. Just follow the link below to get your free copy.

http://joepurdy.com/

As my friend Mark says: "Free is the good F word"

Peace

Just Sayin......

OK, haven't wrote on here in a while, But....I needed to just complain about this one little thing and then I'll get out of your hair.

This little saying popped up a little while back and now it's spreading like wild fire. I can't figure out what the origin is, but it's climbing into the rankings with the likes of:

"Talk to the hand"

"Can you hear me now?"

"Doh!"

"Watchu talk bout Willis?"

"That's what she said"

"Just do it"

"I'm just chillaxin"

"Your mom went to college"

"What up Dawg"

and

"You'll end up living in a van, down by the river!"

(Well maybe not that last one)

Here it is: "Just sayin"

I'll give you an example:

"Did you see Sara's new haircut?"

"Yeah, it looks good"

"Well, I think it looks like crap, Just sayin"

It's like someone just gave you free reign to say whatever you want, and as long as you say: "Just sayin" at the end then you're all good - can't be mad at me because I'm just sayin...........

(I said no offense)

At no other time throughout you're day is it important to tell people what you just did.......

While walking up the stairs: "Good morning, Just walkin"

While typing: "Sorry hold on a sec, Just typin"

While eating lunch: "So how have you been, Just eatin"

While driving down Eureka Rd.: "What is your problem? why can't you just learn how to drive, Just ragin"

Other people disguise that fact that they are really just pushing their opinions onto you - in a somewhat subtle way (but not really).

I'm "Just sayin" that's all I'm doing. I'm not "Just tellin" you how its gonna be

or

I'm not "Just screamin" at you for leaving all the lights on

or

I'm not "Just stadin" up for what's right....nooooooooo... I'm"Just sayin" so that means that it's not as offensive.

It's just another way for people to take a neutral standing on something.......While actually having a strong opinion on the matter...........

Just sayin

This is so last month

I currently have almost no time at all to write, read or even skim over blogs. The only time that I can do this is at lunch or during occasional lulls at work. Today I found a blog that I really enjoyed. Instead of reiterating the same thing, I thought that I would just link over to it.

Here is a teaser - the first line of the blog (you'll want to read the rest):

" Islamic Fundamentalism is to Islam as __________ is to Christianity.

The Answer?

The KKK."

http://www.aintyomamasblog.com/in-honor-of-911-something-to-remember-while-we-never-forget/

The Tom Show

I have been REALLY busy lately. I started my own business in April of this year "Arrowtech Computer Solutions" - I fix computers and sell office supplies, sell computers, etc. Meanwhile, I am still working at my previous employer Tuesday through Friday - I can't find a second to breathe.

Really it's not 100% true - I mean, it's factually true, all of those things happened - but the time part may have been a stretch. I am horrible at time management. For some reason, I have to take time once a day to watch a T.V. show. I should be able to go one full day without watching T.V. - It's like drug.

Have you ever seen the movie "The Truman Show", some days I feel like Truman Burbank -like today is the same as last. Everyday I get up do the same routine, but on the same clothes (they're clean, don't worry) and I brush my teeth the same way I drive the same route to work sit in the same traffic everyday and do the same tasks at work. I come home and sit in the same chair and watch T.V. go to sleep in the same bed and stare at the same black ceiling for hours. I feel like I'm not making any progress at all. I am running in place.

I recently hurt my back....again - and I had to go see Dr. Nick (Chiropractor). His office is in Newport so it's a little ways down I-75. When I get to the stretch right before Newport where the road straightens out and there is farm land on both sides of the freeway I think about what would happen if I just keep on driving, just drove until I hit that cloud painted screen where the fake world ends.

Then I get off at the Newport exit and go about my day.

The Disposition Center

I am currently making a huge mess out of my house. We decided to move, well, pretty much everything in our house to a new location. Room C was our master bedroom. Room A was my office and Room B was.......well no one really knows what room B was. Kind of a storage room\closet\changing room\ laundry hamper\library.

Anyways, I (by myself) emptied out Room A and B into the living room dinning room area. Then my cousin (Dave) and I moved all of the furniture from Room C into Room A and B. And on top of it all, I'm painting Room A.

So when everything is said and done - Room A will be a spare room\dressing room (Both of our dressers will be in there) Room B will be the bedroom (Just the bed and two night stands) and Room C will be Hell......um .....I mean .... my office.

All of this leading up to the actually story.

As many of you know, I recently started my own company (Arrowtech Computer Solutions) and I needed office gear. My friend Rich told me about this magical place in Ann Arbor that sells all of the stuff that U of M wants to be rid of. Old desks, Book shelfs, file cabinets, computers, vehicles, electronics, etc. etc. - Anything that they want to get rid of. So, I decided to go because I needed a good desk and a workbench.

This place is awesome, I was in a nerdy heaven of used electronics and gizmos and gadgets of all types. I could have spent hours upon hours in there, not to mention thousands of dollars. But as a responsible adult (who was on a budget) I got what I needed and got out. Here's what I made out with.

1 - Steelcase Computer Desk (in good condition) - $50

1 - Work bench\table - $20

1 - Office chair - $20

1 - Office lamp - $10

100 bones - that's pretty good for pimping out an office - I think. Anyways I just wanted to inform all of you about the U of M Disposition Center and all of it's glory.

Peace - TH

Your brain on the 11 o'clock

You guys have already heard about my crazy voice mail service - it just makes voice mail so much more fun when the message is scrambled. I've started playing a game where I try to decipher the message before I listen to it and then see how close I get.

I'm easily amused.

On Saturday, I was at a graduation party for Bri's cousin (Becca) and I was sitting at the table and got this phone call, it was a number that I did not recognize but since I started using my cell for a business phone, I've been answering random calls. Well, I was sitting at a table filled with Bri's family so I decided to let this one slide.

When I looked at the voice mail transcript I almost laughed out loud (That's right - a real life, actual LOL) but I refrained (I believe that's - LIMH). The message read: "Your brain on the 11 o'clock"

For some reason the first thing that popped into my head was Devin Scillian from Channel 4 saying: "Tonight an exclusive interview with your brain, That's right learn what your brain might not be telling you tonight on the 11 o'clock news"

The person who left the message actually said: " Well, they don't even answer the phone!"

Not even close to the transcript - but they said it really fast.

Speaking of news anchors, and just so everyone is aware. Bri is totally infatuated with Ben Bailey from Fox 2.

I on the other hand, think that he's s dork - that's right, and if I every see him in public I'll probably go right up to him and........get his autograph for Bri.....and then punch him in his cute little face.

There's no romantic jealousy here, move along people.

T.H. out

Math

Let's do some math

(These are all rough estimates)

25% of people can't use new technology when it becomes available, because, it's just toooooo hard to learn and no one will teach them - so they play dumb (some of them, just really are dumb, sorry)

Ok so - that leaves 3/4 of the pie. - out of that 75% - half of them try to use it and fail miserably. I mean they just have no idea what they are doing, but they try and try and try and fail.

So that leaves, um.........roughly 37.5%

Half of that group sneaks by with a limited amount of knowledge, just enough to impress the other 62.5% that don't know what they are doing at all.

That leaves us with 18.75% - Ok half of this group actually kind of knows what they are doing, but for some reason they just don't use it - for whatever reason. Maybe they can't afford to buy it or they just really like the old one, or someone told them not to get the new one, I don't know. This group gets it, they just don't use it.

That leaves 9.375% - The experts, nothing else said. They completely get it 100%.

You can apply this to anything: Computers, Cameras, T.V.'s - any gizmo or gadget you can think up.

Fact.

Solve this, and you solve the current economic crisis (not really)

Hagaman\Palin 2012

Information presented on this website is considered public information (unless otherwise noted) and may be distributed or copied. All ideas are considered to be fact only inside Tom Hagaman's head. All ideas and writing is considered to be bias and cannot be trusted in anyway. Any person(s) that declares otherwise may be punishable under article 15.3 of the MOH (Mind of Hagaman) Act of 2008. All rights and stuff blah blah blah blah blah copyright 2010

Thank You

I find it better to be thankful for things instead of mad - so in my own sarcastic way, here's a list of things that I'm thankful for this week:

1. Thank you (anonymous co-worker) for taking an entire week off and leaving me with a ton of work on the busiest week of the month. (not really his fault - but I'm adding it to the list)

2. Thank you old lady in a 1995 Ford Escort that refuses to drive any faster than 30 MPH at any given time, on any given road.

3. Thank you unobservant driver for hitting my wife's car at 40 MPH at 7 a.m. (on Thursday)

4. Thank you Enterprise car rentals for closing at 1pm

5. Thank you all other car rental companys for not even being open on Saturdays (People still need cars on Saturdays)

6. Thank you 1994 Chevy Blazer for being the most dependable truck that I have ever owned from 1994 to June 3rd, 2010.

7. Thank you lawn for growing so fast.

8. Thank you 2009 Toyota Matrix engineer for making the interior fuse box inaccessible.

9. Thank you AAA for not letting me use my newly renewed membership until Tuesday.

10. Thank you humidity for being yourself

Dream #4 - 05-26-2010

I was busy at the end of last week and all weekend so here's last Wednesday's dream:

In short, I was trying to steal money out of a pay phone and then the Fed's were after me.

That's it! - I was being chased by men in black suits, black sunglasses and black Chevy Suburbans because I stole a handful of change.

A letter to my wife

A list of things that I did not get to tell you yesterday

1. We received the $XXX reward money from the points that I turned in -so we have $XXX more than we expected.

2. MacGrubber was funny but gross

3. Can you go pay the truck payment today?

4. I mean really gross sex scene with your girl (Kristen Wiig) and then a very long sex scene with his dead ex-girlfriend (Mya Rudolph)

5.I have a funeral viewing to go to today after work

6. kinda of stretching it a bit with that " The best SNL movie since Waynes world slogan"

7. Mario wants us to go to the Oak tonight - would you like to go?

8. Better than Wayne's World - no swwwwaaaaay

9. He make's life saving inventions out of household materials

10. In an attempt to sneak in some Reese's Pieces, Jerame put them in his pants near his crotch. His crotch looked like Rod Stewart's crotch - and that was the highlight of the entire evening.

Hope that you like my list.

And take it very seriously ( at least numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, and especially number 10)

Dream #3 - 05-20-2010

Ok - so I'm all talk about having these crazy dreams, because, I'm three in and none of them have been all that crazy....oh well.

Dream #3:

Ever get up to the alarm and mumble something, maybe even sit up for a minute, and then instantly fall right back asleep? That's me, every day. Ever do that and then dream that you didn't? I do that a lot. I'll get up decide what to wear, eat something get in the car drive down the road and then...poof...back in bed. Non of it actually happened. Great. And now, guess what, you're running late so you get to re-live everything - in fast motion.

I feel right back to sleep and dreamt that I woke up and got ready and then I went to this regional chamber meeting that I started going to on Thursday mornings. (I started a company) Well about half way through the meeting, very large, ground shaking explosions started coming from outside. We opened the door and a scene that looked like it was in the movie "Saving Private Ryan" was outside.

Then I woke up.

Late.

Really late.

Dream #2 - 5-12-2010

I am trying to keep up with this, but with all of the busyness this last week I have been slipping.

Dream #2 - 5-12-2010

I had a conversation with my dad right before I went to bed this night. He was telling me about how my truck (the one that he gave me) is very easy to steal. He told me this because I was going downtown in a few days. My parents, like many people their age, try to avoid "the D" as much as possible. They've been trained to think that way their whole lives. It's not their fault. Me - I have a different approach to the topic, which has resulted in many long "conversations" (not fights) with them.

Regardless, he told me about this just as I was getting ready to go to bed. Now, I love this truck. It's not in any great shape, it's not in bad shape either, it "needs work" - mostly cosmetic work. But, that's not why I love this truck. I grew up in this truck. We took this truck on all of our vacations. We took it on the Silver Lake Sand Dunes, we took it hunting, we took it everywhere that we went as a family from roughly 1994 to 1999 - I even took my driving test with it.

The dream:

Not much to this one. The dream starts with me driving the truck down I-75, headed toward Detroit. For some reason, my friend Mario is with me. We pull off and start driving around Detroit. It's very dark, the sky looks like the sky in the Terminator movies when they show "Judgement Day". We are driving around for quite a while. We finally arrive at our destination, a small bar with an extremely large parking lot. I park as close to the bar as possible and we go in. When we exit the bar hours later, we see that there is a person in my truck. he has already broken in and is hot wiring the truck. He peels out of the parking lot before we can get to the truck. I then see another person getting into their own vehicle, I steal that vehicle and try to catch the guy that stole my truck. But, he is way faster then me. I head back to the bar and get into lots of trouble for stealing the car that I stole. And I never saw my truck again.

In dreams, emotions seam to differ from real life. You can see someone die in a dream and feel no emotion, or it can feel as if it were real. This felt like ten times worse then how it would've really felt. I was really really sad. When I woke up, I got out of bed and looked out the window just to make sure that the truck was still there. Sounds silly, I know.

In the words of Ms. Hilton, "That's Hot"

The lady at the counter at Taco Bell thinks that my last name is "hot".

Really.............You use your imagination and you can quickly figure out why I had one of the most made fun of names in school.

So here's how it went down:

I hand her my card to pay with.... she looks at the name and says:

"Man, I would love to have your name if I played football"

"Your name's hot"

(crickets chirping)

Can anyone explain to me why my last name is "hot" (My last name is "Hagaman" for those who don't know)

Dream #1 - 04-27-2010

I've decided to start recording my dreams on my blog. For those of you who have never heard me talk of my dreams in the past, here's a few short summarizations of some of the best\weirdest.

The Stabbing Reflection:

In my old house, the bathroom has two mirrors. One right above the sink and then one on the wall next to the sink, on the left (it was one of those hidden cupboard\mirror things). Anyways, in this re-occurring dream, I get out of bed in the middle of the night and walk into the bathroom, I turn on the water and splash some water in my face (very cliché, like in horror movies when you know that something is about to pop out at you). Then I think that I notice my reflection move without me moving and I quickly dismiss it. Then, I look to my left in the other mirror and there is a very angry looking me with a knife. He jumps out of the mirror and kills me. Stabs me to death. Then the fake me shuts off the bathroom light and lays down in my bed.

The End of the World:

I had another re-occurring dream when I was younger that was really short. It was one of those dreams where you dreamed the same thing about ten times in one night. The dream starts with me walking to work (I got a job when I was eleven, sorting bottles, cleaning and stocking shelves at the corner party store on my street). When I got to work I went into the cooler to stock the pop and such. Then through the cooler door and through the front window of the store, in between the Pepsi bottles, I see mass destruction. I see cars, signs, people and trees all flying down Eureka, as if Metro Airport had become a gigantic black hole. Then I see a building flying towards me (through the Pepsi bottles). It's the tall building at Eureka and I-75, the one that used to be a bank. It flattens the party store like a pancake and then I wake up. It's that sudden "I just fell off of a cliff" awakening. I hate those.

The Alien Invasion:

I've had this one a few times. It's a Mad Max\Aliens Attack scenario. Me and my dad and a few other guys that are no body's, made up people, are saying in my Grandma's house. And we have the place locked down, barricaded, stationary guns, the whole nine yards. Why? Because, we can't trust anyone. You see, aliens have begun "infecting" people. human beings are being turned into aliens that look, talk and act like humans - but they aren't. Anyways, this dream is always a little different each time, but always involves a giant battle at the end - I always get shot. And that's when I wake up. Yay!

Ok so here is the dream that I had Tuesday night:

Grandpa - The Mad Scientist:

I was helping my grandpa clean out his garage. He's a pack rat, so the garage is always a mess. Most of this dream was boring, just me spending time with my grandpa. Then things started getting weird. He started saying things that made him sound crazy. I can't remember everything, but at one point he started suggesting that we build stuff. Really weird, so weird that I ran inside to call someone to come help me. When I got inside my grandma starting yelling at e to get back outside. So, I almost immediately turned around and opened the door that I just closed. Within those four or five seconds that the door was closed, a gigantic "thing" was now in the driveway. It's was the length of the entire driveway, it was made out of wood and metal and you could walk underneath it, almost like a carport. Then it turned on, lights started flashing and it started making loud "wind-like" noises. Then I turned to my right and saw my grandpa running down the length of this device. He grabbed my shirt as we ran by, and started asking me to go with him. As we were running, strange items started flying by our heads. Things from the past, old furniture and old cars even old people (not old in age, old like from another time). My grandpa then started explaining to me (while running) that he had built a time machine and that he needed to go back and "fix the past". Then I woke up.

Fast Food

Have you seen that shirt that says "Zombies hate fast food"? It has a picture of a guy being chased by zombies.

It's hilarious.

But, I too hate fast food. Not so much the food as the " I really don't care and I have no pride in my work" mentality that comes with acquiring a job at T-Bell or Mickey D's.

Here's my experience from this weekend:

(this is the end of my order)

Me: Can I have a couple waters with that too?

FF Guy: How many?

Me: Two

FF Guy: Seven?

Me: No.

FF Guy: Pull up to the window.

(Seriously!)

Google Voice Mail

I've recently switched to using Google Voicemail. It's a riot. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a service that bypasses your phone providers voicemail and forwards it to your Google account. Then the mad scientist's over at Google have built a robot that listens to the voice message and sends you the transcript via text message. Also, you can log into your Google account and listen to your voice mails or read the transcript. The delete features are similar to the way that emails work. Which I like.

Just kidding on the robot part, it's really a trained chimpanzee named Frank.

Anyway - it's hilarious. It has actually made voice mails fun.

Here's an example of a voice mail transcript that my Grandma sent me:

"Hi Tommy, it's Brandon, I was just calling to see if you was gonna be little bit of a good night. I'm a trip at, so give me a call probably rider. Bye."

Here's what she really said:

"Hi Tommy, it's Granny, I was just calling to see if you was going to be real busy tonight. I made your pies, so give me a call. Talk with you later. Bye."

Now, she's from the south so some of you probably could not have done a better job. But, I love it anyways.

Also, it thinks that "Dave McWhorter" is "Civil Court" so when Dave leaves me a voice mail it says: "Hi Tom, this is Civil Court"

I laugh and laugh and laugh........

One time a certain someone, accidentally called me and left me a 4 minute voice message of some people talking:

"What's up. Yeah. Please stay on Wednesday and what it but well it 94, yeah but yeah yeah. Thanks. Bye. Yeah, I don't know. 63. Why. Brett yo, yeah this is yes. Yeah butyeah yeah. Yes, thank you. Yeah below but well bye. But all that. Yeah, I hope. Bye. Hi hi, Iraq, ha ha. Yeah, yo. Bye, or who have a lot i, a daughter. I can tell. Yeah, Hello,this is another call. Hey at don't. I don't know."

"At every occasion, I'll be ready for the funeral"

So....does anyone else find it a tad bit creepy that Costco sells caskets?

Well - I do

Is there an isle for that?

Do they sell them in bulk?

Does it say "Costco" on the caskets?

Can you sample them at the end of the Isle?

Do you get half off if you bring in a death certificate?

Have I crossed the line yet?

Costco Caskets - click here!

The Driveway

Ok -so - my driveway is huge. I can easily fit maybe 7 cars in my driveway. Which is great for parties, I have more parking spaces then I have chairs. However, it's bad for snow, I've been drooling over snowblowers every year, but I just haven't been able to get one yet. I just shovel enough for Bri to get her car in and out of her spot, and I leave my side un-shoveled.

Fake Audience Member #1: "But that's not what this b-word is about"

Me: "Sorry, I got off topic"

Fake Audience Memeber #2 : "Stay on topic Tom!"

Me: "Ok - Ok - Just stop yelling"

So - before we begin I need to show you a diagram of my driveway:

Ok - you can see where Bri parks and Where I usually park -Well last night, this is how it went down:

(Note: I do not drive a Mustang as the diagram shows - but I think that most people would agree that it's a better diagram with a Mustang. And I couldn't find a top view of a 2002 red Chevy Blazer - so just use your imagination)

I parked in a different spot, as you can see. Well, I forgot to move my truck last night and Bri leaves first so it was in her way when she got up.

So she has three options:

1. Move my truck out of her way.

2. Wake me up so I can move my truck.

3. Down an entire fifth of liquor, wait ten minutes, and then move my truck out of her way.

This is where I found my truck this morning:

Which one do you think she chose?

Why Can't I Own A Canadian?

http://www.2spare.com/item_96539.aspx

I estimate that I laughed at this for half an hour.

Enjoy

Jesus Christ Rockstar

When I was younger I wanted to be Gavin Rossdale.

I also wanted to be Eddie Van Halen, Chris Robinson, Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, George Harrison, Paul McCartney, John Popper, Kirk Hammett, Alex Lifeson, Geddy Lee, Sammy Hagar, Eddie Vedder, Angus Young, Eric Clapton, B.B. King, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash.

But - Really I wanted to be Gavin Rossdale. Why? I don't why. I listened to the album "Sixteen Stone" until the tape wore out. I guess that he was a pretty descent role model, he kept his nose clean. I never heard of him getting into drugs or anything.

You always hear people say things like: "Doesn't he know that he's a role model?" "He shouldn't be doing that?" - Yeah, he shouldn't, but he's human -and humans tend to make mistakes. Your kids aren't going to learn morals from the Michael Jordan's of the world. Our kids need to see morals in their homes. I'm not a parent yet, but when I am, I hope that I set a good example. I hope that my kids see me acting like Jesus would act. Those are some big shoes to fill.

(I want to play bass in Jesus's band - he can be the front man.)

Two people that I forgot to put on that list: Paul Aleshire and Marie Aleshire.

Marie Aleshire picked me up every week for church, she bought me dress clothes, she cleaned my room when I went on vacation, she made me dinner, she watched us when my parents couldn't, she made sure that I knew right from wrong, she scolded me when I disobeyed, she made sure that I was taken care of and - she loved me.

Paul Aleshire picked me up from school, watched me while I slept until my parents got home from work, fixed things when I broke them, showed me how to fix things when I broke them, taught me that there's always time for a good story, taught me that there's always time for family, taught me how to be courteous, taught me how to be generous, taught me that family is everything and - he loved me.

Those two people are my grandparents, they aren't perfect, but every kid should have role models like that in their lives.

Suck on that Gavin Rossdale.

Vampire Weekend \ Old Spice Commercial

Vampire Weekend's new music video for their new song "Giving Up The Gun" came out this week and it is awesome. Look for the cameo - it's hilarious.

While we are on the topic of things that I find amusing - This new old spice commercial has had me laughing for a whole week.

Enjoy.

and now the spoofs.........

The Freeway

I've lost all hope of sanity. I've started naming things that happen on the freeway......

The Predicament - When you are driving on the highway and there is a car in each lane doing 10 or 15 MPH under the speed limit, and they all insist on not moving.

The Snowy Predicament - The same as The Predicament, except for, the left lane is blocked due to snow and not a vehicle.

The Hail Mary - When someone is going well over the speed limit and will not slow down for anything.

The Creep - When the driver of another vehicle just stares at you as they pass.

The Leech - When someone is following you way too close.

The Tandem - When someone is doing The Hail Mary and has a Leech.

The Chaser - When a driver is passed for going too slow and then "Chases" the passing vehicle out of rage.

The American Idol - When someone is really into singing while driving.

The Johnny Cash - When someone will not change lanes for any reason.

The Muncher - When eating affects a persons driving.

The Rupaul - When you are convinced that the person driving a vehicle is a woman, and then it turns out it's a man. (I am not sexist - you know that it's happened to you too)

The Mr. Magoo - When someone changes lanes without looking.

The Rick Allen - When someone changes lanes without using their blinker. (I know -I'm horrible)

The Death Wish - The Mr. Magoo and The Rick Allen combined.

Pump 8

Hi all, this is a short-story\blog that I have been working on. I figured that this would be the best place to share it with everyone. Enjoy!

Pump 8

"$20 dollars on pump 8", I said and then quickly turned and walked away from some generic foreign gas station worker behind a generic orange gas station counter. “Why are gas station counters always some weird color?” I thought, as I pushed open the cold aluminum door and the winter air smacked me in the face. I don't mind, I prefer the cold over the harsh humid days of summer. I quickly walk back to my truck, still thinking about orange countertops.

I started thinking about a friend who has passed away as I unscrewed the gas cap. I don't think about things like most people do. Thoughts just randomly pop into my head, but they are usually inspired by something. For example, I see a Pepsi can laying on the ground, which reminds me of my childhood because we always had Pepsi in our house, ton’s of it, which reminds me of my first job at the corner store two doors down from my house where I got my first job when I was 11 years old. I sorted pop bottles among various other tasks. I made $4.00 an hour, under the table. I worked after school until 6pm or 8pm or whenever the owner, Louie, wanted me to work until. I got free pizza all the time (The store sold pizza. He had a pizza oven and sold huge, over-sized slices of pizza for $1.00 each). My family use to by two or three bags of dough, some sauce, some fresh graded cheese and some pepperoni from that store so we could make our own pizza at home.

I saved up money for two months so that I could buy…… (Drum roll)…. A brand new super-soaker, that’s right a squirt gun, an awesome squirt gun. It had a 180 degree shooting range, and dual tanks. I bought it and I was the king of the super-soakers, for one summer, then I broke it.

0 degree shooting range.

$1.89

The price on the pump nears two dollars and still not even a gallon in the tank yet. The pump is miserably slow ………..

I think about the time that I learned about priorities while driving. I bought this truck, a 1988 S-10 pickup. It was the second car that I ever bought, actually my parents bought it for me and I was paying them small payments for it. One day I decided to skip the last two classes at school. To do this you had to sneak through the gym to the back doors, crack the door and look for the security guard. You would then wait for him to make his round in front of the gym doors and when he just gets out of sight you run for your car. After that, you time it just right to make it to the alternate entrance to the parking lot, which is a small residential road. Well, as I was making my big escape I was trying to open a bottle of Pepsi and I dropped the bottle. Now an advanced driver will tell you to stop and take care of this mess, they would not tell you to try to pick up the bottle while doing 35 through a parking lot. I did the later and in the process hit a patch of ice and then a telephone pole. It took my Dad months to fix that truck, not to mention a lot of cash.

All of this from a Pepsi can.

$3.45

So, my friend who passed away, let’s call him Tony, he is the one who I was thinking about. Why? Because the guy on pump 7 is driving a Plymouth Acclaim that looks similar to the car the Tony used to have. We use to drive around in that car and listen to DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince.

$4.26

I think about the "static electricity blew up my car at the gas pump" myth all the time when I'm at the gas station. What a bunch of crap. It's happened to me before you know, jump out of the car and grab the metal handle and then pull your hand back in pain as you are attacked by this harmless metal object. My car never exploded. I think that the Mythbusters proved that one to be a myth. And yet every time that I jump out of my car at a gas station I remember to ground myself to the car before touching anything.

$5.25

I peer inside the truck to see how much gas I have accumulated in the tank. The needle has barely moved and my hands feel numb. I stick them inside my coat pocket to try to get some feeling back. What is it - Ten degrees today? Feels like negative five to me. But I'm not a complainer

$6.02

I can my see my breath collide with gas fumes in the air. Winter is beautiful when you are in a snowy paradise. A winter morning in northern Michigan is what I imagine heaven will look like. You can't hear anything but your own footsteps in the snow, an occasional bird chirping and the gentle movement of water down a small stream. A deer slowly galloping through a field blanketed with snow, the trees barley moving at all. All of the sounds are soothing to the ear. Not here, not in the city. Peace and quiet never comes when you live in the city. There is always a dog barking, or a car radio that is extremely loud. There is always a group kids walking in front of your house, dropping candy wrappers and empty slurpie cups in your yard. There are always people yelling at their kids and throwing cigarette butts out of their windows - Cars honking and people hurrying.

The city devours every little piece of quiet.

$9.84

I think about kids as I see a mother pull her mini-van up to the pump adjacent to mine, pump 5 I think, I can see the busyness in the back of the van. 3 or 4 or maybe 5 kids in the back, jumping from seat to seat, restlessly playing inside of the van while mom fills up the tank. She opens the door and yells at one of them, a generic “You’d better stop hitting your sister!” or “You don’t want me to come back there!” – I can’t remember. I want kids though, I really do. But, I still feel like a kid. If I had a kid right now we would probably like the same cartoons. Which I’m fine with; I would want nothing more than to a have a mini-me to watch T.V. with, someone who would enjoy everything that I enjoy. When I was little everything that my Dad liked I wanted to like, that’s what kids do. But those are the selfish reasons. I want kids because I want my family to continue. I have been working on my family tree recently, and the reason that I have been working on it is to have it to give to my kids, so that they will know where they came from. It’s good to know where you came from - it reminds you that you are supposed to continue on.

$13.87

I’m daydreaming again, The lady at the pump next to me probably thinks that I’m on drugs or something, because I’m just starring at the concrete, motionless. I notice a blown fuse lying on the ground I pick it up and toss it into the garbage can. It reminds me of when my friend came and picked me up because I had no headlights when a fuse blew in that old S-10. I remember that day in great detail, but not for any reason that you would think of. I remember it because it was one of the first times that I needed help and a friend came and helped me. I think that was the day that I learned what true friendship is. True friendship, is being available.

$15.00

The cold is slowly creeping inside my one-size-too-small winter coat. My grandfather gave me the coat four years ago and, let’s just say, I have seen lighter days. But I refuse to temporarily retire it.

The cold obviously does not deter anyone from the gas station. Almost every pump is taken.

I love that even in the dead of winter teenagers will still have radio wars at the gas station. If you leave your radio on with the doors open while you pump gas, then everyone will hear your music, and you will be cool! But what if someone else is doing the same thing as you? Well, you just turn yours up louder of course!

$15.99

I think that one of the reasons for my extreme obsession with music is this: In any period of time, a minute, an hour, a day, something can go wrong. There is potential for something to go terribly wrong. Inside of a song, nothing can go wrong, it’s perfect, it’s complete, it is exactly what the artist wanted you to hear.

And that’s why I hate CD players that skip.

$17.81

Is my pump slower than the others? It has to be. Minivan lady has come and gone. Various other drivers have pulled in, pumped two gallons of gas, and have gone. Why am I stuck in this purgatory of petroleum?

“Why does this bother me?”

“Why can’t I just be patient?”

I try to pull it together and just stand there and act like a responsible adult.

$18.01

"Think about something else."

$18.25

“Just stop looking at the stupid pump.”

What if this is the last moment in time….. Ok, so it wasn’t, but what about this one…… I think about that a lot. What if I never get to the end of this gas station trip? I think about that I and then I say “You should live every moment as if it where your last”. What does that mean really? I don’t think that I would do anything differently.

In preparation and anticipation for the end of this task, I double check to make sure that I have my debit card in my pocket. I do my check list:

1. Keys

2.Wallet

3. Cellphone

Why am I doing the checklist at the gas station? Unbelievable, Sometimes I amaze myself. I just can’t stop trying to make things perfect when really; nothing ever turns out to be perfect. We live in an imperfect world. I guess that I just have to accept that.

“Bump!”

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