We had to bury my Grandfather today. As I sat there at the funeral I felt an extremely mixed bag of emotions. I thought that I had cried all of the tears that I would ever cry for this person 10 years ago. But I listened to the pastor, who had known my Grandfather for years, say "Remember the good times, not the bad"....sounds cliche right?....But then I started to actually remember the good times. I had spent the last 10 years focusing on the bad and not the good. I don't think that anyone in our family realized how much they needed this time to grieve and reflect, I know that I didn't.
Then I saw my Dad cry. This is the second time that I've ever seen that happen. This time seemed worse, and it hit me hard. I couldn't even breathe it hit me so hard.
At one point during the service the pastor asked us to tell a story or say something. I couldn't speak if I had wanted to. But I wish that I would've said this:
The last time that I ever saw my Grandfather he asked me if I needed anything. And I said no, by default. But then I mentioned that I needed a specific tool for something that I was working on. Normally he would've went out to his tool shed and brought back whatever I needed for me to use. But this time he said that he wanted me to go to the store with him. He drove me there and we picked out the things that I needed and he bought them for me. This was a simple gesture but it stuck with me all of these years. That was the kind of person that he was, he would give you the shirt off of his back if you needed it. Today I realized that the lessons learned from his example have subliminally shaped me into the person that I am today. At 33 years old, he's still teaching me long after I had given up on him.
I just wanted to put this in writing just so it's out in the open and off of my chest.
Grandpa, I forgive you......I'll miss you.... I'll see you soon.
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